Why There’s no Magazines in my Waiting Room

This magazine made me feel ill.

God Bless those of you who cheerfully thumb through my copy of Heinerman’s Encyclopedia of Nuts, Seeds and Berries when you come in for chiropractic care.  You may have noticed that I do not allow magazines like Ladies’ Home Journal into my office.  This is true in spite of the fact that magazine companies send me lots of freebies, hoping I will set them out.

I have the Ladies’ Home Journal December issue in front of me now and thought I would leaf through it, see what kinds of things people are being exposed to.  It starts out hopefully, with a few short articles mixed in among glamor ads.  Things change on page 44.  Perhaps because the reader may be depressed by now, I am offered a three-page spread on Cymbalta.  Within a short time, I am asked to picture myself with shortness of breath, joint pain, plaque, gas, mucus and leaky pipes.  Sally Field, looking a little like Linda Blair, tells me to “try Boniva.”  There are no ads for diabetes drugs until after I have learned how to make a wreath, cookies, and some whoopie pies. Two pages past the diabetes ad, there’s one for sugar, then sugar-free baking mix, All-Bran (who wouldn’t need this by now) and sugar-free jam. I’m feeling confused.  Is there an ad for that?  I’ll look.

No, but there is an ad for pork, followed by some egg recipes, then Lysol.  Near the back is an article called ” Good Alternatives to Medical Care” with the incongruous subtitle, “some nontraditional medical treatments and supplements really are safe and effective.”  No mention is made of chiropractic care, but there is a photo of some herbs arranged in the shape of a stethoscope. (“Who Knew?” the caption asks, that turmeric was good for you.  I did, for the past 25 years.)  The magazine ends with one more reminder that “it’s cold and flu season” and then offers an anti-wrinkle cream, in case you’re worried.  And I am.